Month: October 2020

The run-up to World Mental Health Day (October 10) is a great time to review your own efforts towards safeguarding your mental health.

In an age where almost everything is disposable, or at least not built to last, we are conditioned to buy fast, buy cheap, buy many, possess more than can ever be needed… Consumerism 101. Unfortunately, this conditioning can infect many areas of life. One of the most problematic areas is friendship.

Slight retraction here: a couple of days ago, I suggested that it is human nature is to develop and improve on what previous generations teach; however this morning I find myself reflecting on one of the ways we have dropped the ball in recent times: friendship.

In a time where the world was unimaginably big and neighbours became family, our forefathers knew the value of true friendship. It wasn’t about Likes or Follows, it was about connection and support. They built things to LAST.

In this Disposable Age in which we find ourselves, many seem to opt for quantity: friend fast, friend easy, friend many, stockpile more friends than you could possibly tend to… Consumerism 101. This apparent popularity may look good to the outside world, but how does it impact the individual?

If you ‘friend fast’, ‘friend easy’ and ‘friend many’ how much can you truly know about your friends? How can we filter those who are meant for us from the masses? How could we possibly commit to so many people, without losing ourselves or burning out? How will we know who we can truly turn to in times of need?

While taking a leap of faith can be admirable, to do so regularly and with no insight seems reckless with your heart… for make no mistake! We plough as much of our heart into friendships as we do our romantic relationships… or we do with the ones that last.

If I am buying shoes for €10 in the high street, then I may well come home with multiple pairs and ultimately discover they are of poorer quality, uncomfortable, a poor fit or pretty but impractical. They give me blisters and no protection, and when the strap snaps or the sole peels, I will chuck them in the bin and resent spending a tenner on such nonsense. I find myself with a wardrobe full of barely worn shoes and an empty wallet.

However, if I decide to invest in a good pair of shoes I will take time browsing, fitting and choosing before buying. Now, I may only have one pair of shoes but I will love them, I will care for them, I will take pride in them and when they are falling apart, I will bring them to be resoled or repaired. And when their time is done, I will always remember those shoes fondly and wonder where I might find another such pair, because I will gladly spend every cent in my wallet on shoes like that.
Now THOSE are the kind of friends I want in my life. THAT is the kind of friend I try to be…

I can count on my hands the friends who have become family to me. And the reason for this progression is because both sides had the wisdom to invest in the friendship – it has to be reciprocal or it just doesn’t work. Time apart and distance does not taint these friendships, I would still walk over burning coals for any of them, should they need me… as I believe they would for me. Even if I haven’t seen them for years, my heart still swells at the thought of them, and I KNOW I am a good person and a good friend because I see it reflected back to me in the people I surround myself with. I, in turn, make every effort to remind them how they make the world (and MY world!) a better place.

Likes and Follows may give instant gratification and lift the spirits a little, but they are fickle and fleeting. Gimme a good pair of boots any day of the week and all the ‘cheap and cheerfuls’ can trot on…
Quality over quantity any day of the week.

If you like what I do, please Like, Follow and Share… hahahahaha!!! The irony!!!

If you have a NEED for what I do, get in touch 🙂

Contact Sage Counsel: 086-8539718 sagecounsel@outlook.com

The lead up to World Mental Health Day (October 10) is as good a time as any to reinforce our mental wellbeing. That in mind, let’s reflect on the nature of disappointment and managing expectations…

So often, we can find ourselves disappointed: by people, places, situations, results… it’s a horrible feeling in your gut: that sense of being let down, having wasted time or energy; that vaguely empty feeling, tinged with hurt.

It might be interesting to ask ourselves WHY we are disappointed. Perhaps we had expected a certain behaviour or reaction from someone. Perhaps we had an image in our minds of how a person or place would be. Perhaps we had played out a situation in our mind, ahead of time. Perhaps we had anticipated certain results on the back of certain behaviours or input…

Perhaps, you have identified a running theme by now? 🤔

Disappointment happens as a result of our expectations not being met. Therefore, if we can manage our expectations, in theory we should minimise our disappointment.
As social creatures, disappointment in each other tends to affect us deeply. People tend to see reflections of themselves in others.

Example: If I value good timekeeping and feel it is disrespectful to be late, I will likely apply my ‘code of conduct’ to others, setting me up with expectations. So when someone arrives late, I feel disrespected and disappointed. But perhaps that person values something else: maybe they feel making an effort with their appearance is a sign of respect. So, while I am on time (showing my respect) but dressed any way at all, they are late but well turned out (showing their respect). So here we both are, disappointed and confused by the reception we are getting from one another.

My Mental Wellbeing Tip of The Day: Next time you find yourself disappointed, apply the expectation filter: “Am I applying MY rules to this situation?”

It isn’t foolproof: sometimes we are reasonably disappointed. But sometimes, just sometimes, we set ourselves up.

Contact Sage Counsel: 086-8539718 sagecounsel@outlook.com

In the lead up to World Mental Health Day (October 10th), you might be wondering what is the simplest step you can take to increase your mental wellbeing?
While there is no definitive answer, Self Care must surely be among the power players.

But what is Self Care?
It can take many forms: a long, hot bath; time with loved ones; an hour with a good book; an early night or a lie-in; a massage; a date night; eating well… the list is endless. But the concept behind them all is the very same: Self Care is when you consciously take time out for yourself and give time to something that gives you joy, fulfilment, inner peace…

Self Care is what recharges our batteries. It happens when we put some of our time, thought and energy into OURSELVES.

In generations past, Self Care was often considered a luxury, navel-gazing, spoiling yourself… usually commented upon with a negative tone…

But what makes that right? Times change and we learn more and more about what makes us tick; what helps us to keep going… Self Care is NOT a luxury, but a necessity.
How can it be wrong to look inward and seek to understand yourself better? How can it be wrong to care for the only body and mind you will get in this lifetime? How can it be wrong to reward yourself for a job well done or a day survived?

We are always improving and developing on the teachings of our forefathers… there is no shame in moving on from outdated thoughts and caring for yourself to the best of your ability.

Tomorrow is a new day… how will you care for yourself?

Contact Sage Counsel: 086-8539718 sagecounsel@outlook.com