Something a little lighter today, but equally a very helpful practice to engage in: Mindful eating.
Life is busy. The ability to multi-task well comes with automatic bragging rights. So, more often than not I eat on the go/ at the desk while I’m working/ at the kitchen counter while I’m getting other jobs done… When this happens, what could have been an eating experience becomes yet another task to be completed. I take no joy in the food, no matter what it is. I often don’t hear my body’s cues to tell me it’s full because I’m distracted. I shovel it on in there, barely tasting it. I could be eating brussel sprouts or a brownie – I take no time to notice the texture or to savour the flavour. What’s the point in that? Where is the enjoyment?
So today, on National Brownie Day, I challenge you to pause. Sit back. Focus entirely on your brownie. Inhale the aroma of that little square of bliss. Take a slow, deliberate bite. Feel the texture: the moist crumbly inside and the chewy outside. Appreciate the rich, deep, chocolatey flavour. Leave the bite sit on your tongue for a moment. When you have absorbed the whole sensory feast, swallow that single bite. Repeat, slowly and send your gratitude out into the universe to whatever clever soul figured out how to make brownies.
This is the sensual experience of mindful eating… Wouldn’t it be something to do that a little more often?
Since the initial Covid-19 lockdown in March 2020, authorities and support services have noted a surge in reports of domestic violence, with the Women’s Aid 24-hour national freephone helpline receiving 1,000 calls ABOVE the norm EACH MONTH.
Movements restricted. Social and community supports greatly restricted. Isolation from friends and family. Working from home or furloughed from work, with the associated financial pressures. Avenues which provide temporary relief have been cut off, turning our homes into veritable pressure-cookers. Time losing all meaning. A national spike in alcohol sales and consumption. Boredom combined with intensive (and forced) time spent with our immediate households and ONLY our immediate households.
Fear outside the home… and, for some, fear INSIDE the home too.
Humans are community-oriented by nature – we are not designed to live the way we have been since March 13th, 2020. But this was not the beginning of our social isolation. Communities have been becoming less “one for all and all for one” and more “every person for themselves” for at least a generation now. Neighbours are no longer like extended family. Children are no longer raised by the community: receiving a solid scolding from a neighbour as readily as we would have from our own parents. We have become strangers to each other, with a brief nod at a safe distance (which is often avoided if at all possible) replacing an easy natter across the front wall. The “valley of the squinting windows” (as my mother used to describe the street where she grew up) now turns a blind eye. We mind our own business. We keep to ourselves.
But there has ALWAYS been domestic violence, so what has changed?
In by-gone generations, neighbours may have refrained from interfering in each other’s domestic matters, but a woman could (and would) show up at her neighbour’s door to be cleaned up and soothed. They may have returned home, but there is some small comfort in being ‘seen’ and receiving support, albeit silent: wives catching each other’s eye across the washing line; a compassionate (if terse) smile; an unspoken kinship.
Isn’t the societal ideal to improve on the legacy we have been handed? But, regarding domestic violence, we seem to have taken a step away. Physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Financial and material abuse. Women and men being abused by their partners. Parents being abused by their children. Abandoned to terror and enslaved by shame. Stigma is the enemy to progress.
Safety in numbers: Sardines shoal together; birds and sheep flock… because they know stragglers get easily picked off by predators. Perhaps we need to learn from the natural world. Perhaps the vulnerable amongst us would benefit from ‘pack protection’.
So, I encourage you all to reach out (a socially distanced kind of reaching out!) in your community. Smile at passers-by on a walk. Lift your head out of your phone and make eye-contact. Make friends of neighbours. Build a village around yourself. Open yourself up to invitations to connect with others. Wherever possible, be without judgement – for none of us truly knows what another is experiencing at any given time. We know neither the path they have walked, the path they are walking, nor the load they are carrying. And if we all keep watch over our little corner of the world, we can surely help to make it a safer place for all.
If you are living with domestic violence, this is a non-traceable way to signal for help
If you are a woman living with domestic abuse or concerned about a woman living with domestic abuse, Women’s Aid offer a 24-hour freephone national helpline on 1800 341 900.
If you are a man living with domestic abuse or concerned about a man living with domestic abuse, AnyMan offer advice and support at (01) 554 3811 (9am to 5pm Monday – Friday). The Men’s Development Network’s Male Advice Line is also available on freephone 1800 816 588 (10am to 6pm Monday and Wednesday, 12pm to 8pm Tuesday and Thursday and 2pm to 6pm on a Friday).
If you are at immediate risk, please contact the Gardai on their emergency number 999.
November 4th is International Stress Awareness Day, but how aware are you of your own stress levels?
The symptoms of stress vary from person to person but among the most common are: • Trouble Concentrating • Headaches • Anxiety • Anger • Stomach Problems • Fatigue • Decreased Sex Drive • Skin Irritations • Muscle Tension • Teeth Grinding • Apathy/Motivation Loss • Irritability • Sleep Disturbance • Affected Appetite • Frequent Minor Illnesses • Misuse of caffeine, alcohol, drugs or tobacco.
If you find yourself recognising a number of these, it might be experiencing a highly stressed state. So what now? Well, there a number of simple (but proven) ways of reducing stress levels. • Get Creative – draw, paint, craft, write… whatever floats your boat and makes you feel good. • Stick on some tunes – whether you play an instrument or choose an upbeat or chilled out playlist – music feeds the soul. • Activate – go for a walk, to the gym, for a swim, or hit the mats for some yoga or pilates… exercise releases endorphins, which lower stress levels and lowers cortisol levels, which contribute to stress and anxiety. • Quiet Time – meditate or read to slow the world down and bring you into the moment. • Detox your life – technology, food, drinks… our body and mind feel the effects of too much of a not so good thing. • Get organised – start using a planner, clear out your living space, prep the night before. A clear picture of what lies ahead can make the world a whole lot less overwhelming. • Family and friends – time spent relaxing with family, friends, and pets brings back some balance and helps us reconnect in times of high pressure. • Great Outdoors – Fresh air clears away the cobwebs and can bring a great perspective. • Just Talk – an open conversation can bring new insights and help us to share the load. Whether it is a friend, family member or mental health professional, exploring the source of your stress and your options can be a huge relief.
While Covid restrictions may limit the availability of some of these resources, most can be access online: exercise classes and mindfulness practices, videocalling friends and family, sessions with your therapist.
“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”
Bilbo Baggins, Fellowship of The Ring
If these words hit home for you, there is support available to help you access more butter, or maybe use less bread…
This month is often referred to as Movember; with many men razor-dodging and growing wacky and wonderful facial hair. While it seems frivolous in nature, Movember is a hugely successful campaign to raise awareness around men’s health. ‘Men not seeking help’ is a widely accepted stereotype: not going to the doctor, not asking for directions, not reading instruction manuals, not giving voice to their worries… Stoically carrying on until they just can’t do it anymore.
If fact, there is still quite a bit of stigma surrounding men seeking help, in any form. The Patriarchy can carry the burdens of the world, can it not?? No. No, it can’t. Nor should it.
In 2017, there were almost 400 suicides registered on our small island of Ireland, of which an overwhelming 80% were men.
Today is the first day of Movember, and the first day of the long, dark winter. The days may be dark, but the workings of your mind don’t have to be. I would like to invite men to reach out; to talk; to put down the generations-old expectations pressed upon them, and share the load.
If your health is your wealth, then your mental health is valuable beyond measure. Great courage is required to take that first step: whether it’s opening up to a trusted friend, or family member, your GP or mental health professional. But that conversation can be an absolute game-changer.
October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.
During the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, parents-to-be tend to keep their joyous news to themselves. This is the highest risk period with 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in loss. Having not initially shared the joyous news, it is common for parents to suffer their loss alone
Terrified parents attend a scan fearing the worst. Unfortunately, when that does happen, they leave the hospital feeling so many things they have likely never imagined: hollow, rage, devastation, bitterness, confusion, and the horribly cruel shame and guilt. This is a time when people desperately need support to work through their feelings and thoughts and move forward together
It is such a challenging time for a mother and father, who are both grieving in such different ways. Sage Counsel provides sessions to support either or both parents. I facilitate open and gentle communication and work with both perspectives of this lonely grief. I also help parents to work with anxiety and fear about future pregnancies. I strongly encourage fathers to engage in this support system.
